im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
