Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
