nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
