okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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