Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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