I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
