and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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