so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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