in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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