Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize