If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
