Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
