i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
