mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
