I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
