wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
