i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
His nipple licking is glorious
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