i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
