dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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