You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
even my farts smell like vagina
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
