8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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