I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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