he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
