It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
