well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
