I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
