My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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