at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
