apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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