so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she told me i tasted like america
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm always down for nudity.
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