a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
