I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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