i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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