i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
