Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
