i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
