he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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