Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize