never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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