she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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