So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
