physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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