Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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