How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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