He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
