There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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