4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize