Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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