I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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