i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
