The maid of honor just puked.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize