can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
