i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
