My balls are so social today.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
