I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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