Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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