I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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