drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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