Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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