dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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