Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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