Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish I only lived at night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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