dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
third nipple confirmed
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize