You really coming over, don't trick.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my sisters under your porch take her home
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
