True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
