problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
