Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
