i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
