I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
