Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
