my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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