How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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