we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
