She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
