I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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